On August 23, 2018 my whole world was changed. And so was I. I got to look into the eyes of one I love more than words could ever explain for the first time. I got to feel her from the outside of my body and hear her cry for that first breath of life. And hear God whisper in the room. On August 23, 2018 at 6:21pm.. I fell in love. I fell into a different kind of love. A love that no words can explain. On August 23, 2018 at 6:21pm I gave birth to my first child. My beautiful and perfect Anastasia Pearl, who joined our world weighing in at 8lbs 5oz and a lovely 21.5 inches long. After all the time of carrying her in my womb. I finally got to hold her and meet her for the first time. And it was magical. I’ll never be able to explain my experience of the doctors laying my newborn baby on my chest, hearing her cry and looking into her beautiful eyes for the very first time.
I love the fact that every labor/ delivery story is SO different. Not one person shares the same thing in their stories.
My actual due date was August 20, 2018. Or so I thought. Of course each due date is only an estimation. But boy, did me and my husband feel like they were off. But, it’s only an estimation so, who cares right? A baby comes one way or the other. Anyway, days had gone by and nothing was happening. I was stuck at 1cm dilated and and about 50% effaced! Which is great. I’ll take it. But it wasn’t the progress I was wanting to see. I was that way for about a month. So, it was either.. We continue to wait and just see what happens and let our baby continue to grow.. (Mind you she was already weighing about 8 lbs) or schedule to be induced. Not exactly the easiest decision to make. But, I knew what I had to do.
So on August 22, 2018 we were admitted into labor and delivery to be induced. Which would be an overnight process… Great… I’ve never had such high blood pressure in my life. Or so many nerves and just wow. I’ll never be able to explain how I felt that night. I knew walking into Labor and Delivery that night that there would be no sleep. And the coming hours would be completely exhausting. But, I had a beautiful end goal and picture to the whole story. So, I was willing to push through.
So, it was a long night. Between the lack of sleep, nurses coming in to check on me every little while, dealing with nerves during an unknown circumstance, and even working through the little contractions I had into the wee hours of the morning; me, my husband and my doula, Dinae of Fragrance of Grace Doula Services… We did our best to rest knowing what was ahead. But sleep? Nah!!! I might have gotten 2 hours of sleep that night. So, sleep was not on my side. Strike one..
After a long sleepless night, about 6 am we began Pitocin… The dreaded medication of inducing labor… And oh my gosh was it a doozy!! It didn’t begin that way. But as the day went on they began to up my doasge of Pitocin… Which meant contractions got harder and time got shorter. Not to be scared or anything right?
And no joke.. When things got harder.. They got REALLY hard. Thankfully I had some AMAZING people in the room with me to help get through all these contractions, to get through the pain and honestly… Even the second guessing of what I was doing and if I was even capable of such thing. But I was going to do my best to do this with the goal I had set for myself.
Hours have continued to go by and I wasn’t making any progress.. Not enough progress to feel encouraged by the process. So, of course I begin to think… Am I going to end up as a failure to progress?”, “Can I keep to my goals and have this baby unmedicated?”, “Can I handle the pain, and continue to keep going?” I’m not gonna lie… My contractions felt like some form of hell. That’s about the best way to explain them. I have no other way to explain them except it is literally the most painful thing I have ever experienced. And it got worse as things went on.
I couldn’t tell you how much time went by, but I knew a good bit of time had gone on and I was experiencing some of the most excruciating pain of my life. I finally reached about 4cm dilated and I wasn’t progressing. I was losing patience, determination, energy, you name it.. I was running out of it. And thank you to my blessed Doula Dinae who talked me through it we FINALLY got me on some Fentanyl, an amazing pain killer. And let me tell you, this pain killer did a lot for me!!
The Fentanyl kicked in!!! And it was a lifesaver and a miracle worker. That whole “no progress” thing.. Yeah, that changed not long after receiving medication. I was progressing and I was progressing fast! My body was finally able to relax enough to dilate and make some progress.. I had been 70-80% effaced for who knows how long.. But stuck at like 3cm dilated. So the meds saved us all pain and heart ache (I think) and we started SAILING through labor!! And before we knew it it was time to deliver this beautiful baby!!
After about an hour of pushing me and the beautiful people and wonderful staff around me welcomed Miss Anastasia Pearl to the world. Y’all.. When you hear women talk about the feeling they get when they hear or they see their baby for the first time.. It’s a real feeling and its a beautiful feeling. But I was in fight or flight mode.. And I was in a fight mode. Fighting through pain, and emotions, fighting doubt and fear to the unspeakable things when it comes to labor and delivery. I heard her cry and one of the many weights was lifted off my chest. I saw the people who love me around me and another weight was lifted..
But when they laid Anastasia on my chest I finally got to see who I had been carrying in my womb all this time. And when I looked her in the eyes for the first time… All I can remember was the world standing still for just a second. Enough for me to have a moment with my husband and say, “She has your eyes!” And y’all… I LOST it. I was in love. My entire pregnancy I prayed that she would have his eyes. And they were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen when I saw those big gray blue eyes on my chest.
Labor and delivery wasn’t easy. It was actually the hardest thing I have ever done. But it was the most rewarding thing I’ve ever experienced. I am blessed to say we had a very easy labor/delivery, and a HUGE part of that goes to my amazing Doula who coached me through it all!! ( Keep and eye out for a post soon about Doulas!) There was a lot of support and love in the room, which I am forever thankful for. I also couldn’t be more grateful for the nursing staff who took care of me and the doctor who blessed me with a calm delivery. From beginning to end… Pregnancy, birthing and raising…. None of it is easy. It has it’s roughs moments.. But it has moments that will take your breath away and moments that you will thank God for everything your life that lead you to this moment. Having a baby is hard. But the reward is beautiful beyond measure.
If y’all have ANY questions about labor/delivery or doulas.. Please feel free to let us know! Keep in mind we aren’t doctors. Just your typical mamas! So talk to your doctor. But we would love to give advice or any kind of recommendations!
XOXO
Whitney
PS: Thank you Dinae at Fragrance of Grace Doula Services and Britny at Wonderwood Photography for every bit of support, coaching and every moment captured on this beautiful day.